Whine, Whine, Whine
September 5th, 2007
It doesn't do any good to get annoyed with myself, but every year when the days begin to darken, I feel a sadness creep in. I get annoyed with my depression (very helpful, I know.) I hold out hope each year that I've been "good enough", done enough exercise, taken enough vitamins, done enough self-care and art-making, so that this year I won't feel that heaviness. I don't want to accept it as just the way it is, just in case I'm fooling myself into thinking I have chronic depression.
I don't complain to the people in my life. Constant complaining annoys me in others, why would I want to do that to anyone else? Today the fiansor was encouraging me to whine. We both have a cold, stuffy noses and such and he's quite a whiner when he gets sick. He's told me often enough that if I don't complain, he doesn't know how badly I'm feeling. You know that thing about how the squeaky wheel gets the oil? It's so true! I've spent my life trying not to squeak. So, we literally practiced whining to each other with me resisting the whole time because I felt ridiculous doing it. He made me laugh though with his descriptions about the nuances of whining, what the different intonations meant and then he quizzed me on it. Heh. We snuggled and fell asleep on the couch before having dinner. Thank goodness for the fiansor.
Earlier today, I had a quick, but helpful chat with my best friend. I haven't had anyone, but the fiansor to talk to about all that's been going on recently with family crises and it's been really heavy stuff. The fiansor said he was surprised that I hadn't been more upset, but I was upset, I was just containing it, like you need to in a crisis when other people need you to be the calm voice of reason. But when the best friend called, I just started crying. I guess I was ready to release some of the crapola.
I want so much to vent about what's been going on, but I don't think this is the place to do it. In one of the situations, there is actual legal action being taken, so I can't lay it all out here. I'm thinking about using my vox blog which has that setting so only friends can read it to release some of this tough stuff. I truly appreciate your support and love in response to my last post. I needed it, so thank you. I'll be posting all the recent art soon, promise!
14 Responses
I understand the desire not to burn people out with whining. At the same time, people with good boundaries are able to know when they’ve hit their tolerance for listening and are able to gently express that. This kind of communication allows for the person needing to complain to have an occasional outlet and the listener feeling comfortable to ask for a rest when needed. I think your closest peeps (fiansor, best friend) feel safe enough with you to set a boundary if needed. So good for you for letting off some steam.
Whatever the crises is, I’m sending supportive thoughts for you. Hugs!
Posted by: Kathryn | Sep 5, 2007 at 2:08 am |
Prayers and angels sent to you, Leah, I’m sorry you’re going through a hard time. Remember…you ARE enough…you DO enough…I send you my support at this difficult time. Love, Olivia
Posted by: Olivia | Sep 5, 2007 at 2:12 am |
hope that this weekend will help lighten your load a bit…i will listen to whatever you want to share
xo
Posted by: wishstudio | Sep 5, 2007 at 7:55 am |
We all need to vent at times, and I love the way your fiance worked with you on this. He sounds great! It is hard to be the one caring for someone in a crisis, especially when you’re feeling below-par yourself, so you go take whatever support you need in a safe place. You are very wise.
Posted by: Imelda / GreenishLady | Sep 5, 2007 at 11:03 am |
I have mild to moderate depression and SAD too. Isn’t it fun? Not really. This past year I started doing tons of creative things and expressing myself and I found I felt so much better. I told my psychiatrist and she said I should keep doing it. So I tell my husband that the reason the table is covered in art stuff is because my psychiatrist said I should do this!
At least you are aware of the impending depression so possibly you can do things to alleviate it before it gets bad. – Amy
Posted by: Amy | Sep 5, 2007 at 11:37 am |
I wish I could offer you some pearls of wisdom to help you through your journey. But today, I’m sick, so I hope this cyber-hug will do the trick. *hug*
Posted by: Literary bohemian | Sep 5, 2007 at 2:28 pm |
BIG hug, my fantasticly talented friend and continual source of inspiration. Fall is my absolute fave time of year … it’s actually summer that brings about the blues for me – too much sun and heat for too long. Yeah, I’m different. Hope you feel better soon … do you hear wedding bells???
Posted by: eileen (the dream) | Sep 5, 2007 at 3:32 pm |
if we weren’t meant to whine, we wouldn’t have voices. Ever see a baby stop long enough to think about it twice when she’s uncomfortable or unhappy? Ever see a baby depressed? red in the face made maybe, but not depressed. Whining is good for the soul….glad you have the fiansor. And us – all of us – I’m sure we all know whereof you speak (and oh do I know about the shortening days which is why I don’t live in Maine – because I love Maine). Hang in there girl!
Posted by: tammy vitale | Sep 5, 2007 at 5:06 pm |
Think about what you would do for a friend if she was in the same situation that you are in…then do just that (or get that support) for yourself. I’m guessing you would do a lot for the people you love. You deserve that same level of care. I will continue sending you good thoughts.
Posted by: Melissa | Sep 5, 2007 at 7:24 pm |
Sending love and thoughts. Hope your sniffles go away soon and know that we are all facing the change of the season together…us sensitive folks!
Posted by: Tori | Sep 5, 2007 at 10:16 pm |
Big hugs, Leah, to help get you through whatever it is. And if you end up Vox’ing, I’ll be there. xoxo
Posted by: Marilyn | Sep 6, 2007 at 9:06 am |
Lots of Love and good wishes; glad you have a loving ear to whinge too when needed. Everyone needs a whinge occasionally. Big Hugs, E
Posted by: Elizabeth | Sep 6, 2007 at 4:16 pm |
YAY to fiansor for knowing the intonatins well enough to teach them to you. This cracked me up!!! Beautiful partnership indeed.
My thoughts and prayers are with you during this time…
I can’t wait to see you tonight and hang with you tomorrow.
Mucho Fun!
Posted by: tammigirl | Sep 7, 2007 at 8:36 am |
(((hug))) It sounds like you have someone wonderful in your life and you are so lucky for that! Sometimes it’s not whining – it’s venting. Don’t you know that a boiling kettle needs to vent or it will explode? Let it out where it’s safe and healthy.
As for the depression thing – I used to suffer from it and still have an episode every now and then – but I started taking a b-complex and limiting sugar and it made all the difference in the world for me. I know it sounds simple, but a lot of the time depression is a vitamin b deficiency. And sometimes it’s not.
Posted by: cheryl | Sep 9, 2007 at 7:53 am |