Painting Big, a Guest Post by Connie Hozvicka
May 8th, 2011
My parents got divorced when I was just a wee little kiddo--and for the first years my Dad would pick my brother and I up every other Friday for our weekend visit. I was certain--100% sure that while we were gone my Mother couldn’t live with out us. I imagined, quite vividly in my six year old mind, that the entire weekend my Mother buried herself under blankets, soaked her pillows in tears, and moaned out sporadically in agony--as she waited for her beloved children to return.
Especially me, of course.
So, one Friday afternoon I thought I would surprise her with a gift. Something that she could look at and think of me--and not feel so sad and miserable in my absence.
I carried my poster paints, a small bucket of water, and that free paintbrush that comes in the watercolor kits downstairs to the family room. I moved the furniture just a little bit closer to the wall so I could balance--and I began to paint a self portrait.
Right there on the oak faux wood paneling.
I can remember that I drew the outline of my elongated body in blue and my hair, even though it was blonde--I began by drawing it long and wavy with thick black lines.
I remember exactly how it felt to paint that self portrait. The power of moving my little body with each brushstroke. The danger of balancing on the back of our mustard colored sofa. The rush I got from creating a surprise gift for my Mother.
The pure bliss of painting BIG for my very first time.
Then, unexpectedly, my Mother came downstairs.
Yep. You can imagine what happened next.
But here’s the thing. It doesn’t matter that my Mom was rightfully upset. It doesn’t matter that she cried tears and even sporadically moaned out in agony as she scrubbed with bleach and other stinky chemicals. It doesn’t matter even that I got grounded or that she didn’t fully embrace my gift.
I don’t remember all of that stuff.
I just remember how it felt the first time I ever painted BIG.
And now, 30 years later, I’m back to painting BIG and it has cracked my life open into a canyon of beautiful possibilities, abundance, and welcoming surprises. I’m no longer the person I used to be--instead I found myself again. I picked up where I once left off.
When my Mother walked down the stairs.
Connie Hozvicka is the founder of DirtyFootprints-Studio.com--the home of the FEARLESS™ Painting Revolution which focuses on empowering creative souls to strengthen their intuition, connect deeper with Creative Source, and grow confidant as Artists through FEARLESS™ Painting. Connie's online FEARLESS™ Painting workshop: BIG starts Sunday, May 22, 2011. This is a 6 week adventure that will introduce you to the FEARLESS™ Painting Process and inspire you to paint BIG!