Creative Every Day

Introvert + Extrovert = Lots of Learning!

July 16th, 2007

I am a classic introvert and the fiansor is a classic extrovert. Through all of our talking over the 6 plus years we've been together, we've learned how to communicate with each other pretty effectively. We've taught each other about our differences and in the process we've learned more about ourselves. When I read The Introvert Advantage awhile back, I laughed in recognition at my behaviors written out and felt much validation along with getting some great tips on how to work with my personality. I shared a lot of that book with the fiansor who found it helpful in understanding me a little better. (Incidentally, the author of this book recently put out a book about introverts and extroverts in relationships which looks interesting.)

Recently, The Happy Introvert was recommended to me and I picked it up. I began to read it over the weekend and this very different book provided more info, including a lot more about introverts and extroverts in relationships together. I brought the book out to the living room and on the couch, the fiansor and I read through most of the book together, finding some really helpful insights that led to further discussions. We laughed at how certain lists of behaviors were so spot on.

Here are some characteristics of introverts and extroverts from The Happy Introvert. Do you find yourself in these descriptions? I've marked introverts with an  (I) and extroverts with an (E).

• You usually like being with people (no too many at once) for no longer than an hour or two at a time (I) (almost always true for me.)
• You generally prefer being with others or talking on the phone to being alone. (E)
• In group discussions, the topic being discussed sometimes changes by the time you have collected your thoughts and are ready to speak. (I) (Yep, that's why blogs are so great! I have plenty of time to think and then respond.)
• You have a lot of energy, your voice is usually strong and confident, and you speak with little or no hesitation. (E) (This is the fiansor to a T.)
• You sometimes procrastinate when you want to avoid interacting with people. (I) (ahem. yeah. I'm noticing I do this more and more now.)
• Some people see you as being on a power trip, artificially optimistic, or overly dramatic. (E)
• You tend to think out loud so what you say isn't always fully thought out and in general you are fast more than accurate. (E)
• You like to concentrate in depth when doing a project and you are often content to be alone with your thoughts, feelings and activities. (I)
• You often prefer that others make reservations, announcements, phone calls and introductions. (I) (The fiansor laughed at this one as he knows how much I hate to make phone calls when we order out.)
• You like to buy on impulse and you frequently seek outside stimulation. (E)
• Your style of speech tends to be calm and quiet and your ability to remember names is average to low. (I) (This one about the names was really interesting to me and very true.)
• You want to make an impact on your community. (E) (This one made me laugh because I know the fiansor feels this way and we had just talked about how my desire to make a contribution is there, but quite different and how his desire is much larger and very ingrained. Very interesting stuff!)

At the end of the book there was a big discussion about personality types using the Myers-Briggs system. The fiansor's type was very easy to determine (ENFP), mine not so much. I'm still not sure. But it's further info that's helpful and interesting. We both have characteristics of introversion and extroversion in us too. It's never so clear cut, but knowing where we're coming from is helpful as we grow as a couple and as people. I've found all this particularly interesting because extroversion is so celebrated in our culture that introverts are often made to feel they are strange and abnormal. In general, I'm quite content in my introverted ways. I'm quite good at entertaining myself for hours on end. But on the other hand, it's good for me to push the envelope a bit sometimes and be more social as it often leads to wonderful things. Balance, balance.

Tomorrow's my birthday! I'm not sure what I'll do with it yet, but during the day, I plan to follow my whims and make it a fun, relaxing, and playful day. I hope your week is a wonderfully creative one!